1. BroApp. Want all the benefits of being in a relationship without having to, like, pay attention to someone and be nice to them? Now dudes have the ability “outsource their relationships” by making their phones send automated messages to their girlfriends. Cool, bro.
2. Tinder. The goal of this app is to help you find love (or dates or sex or what have you), but if you already have a significant other, you should probably go ahead and delete it. Just trust me.
3. Dirty Talking. Describing itself as “the perfect application for everyone from the inexperienced to professional dirty talker,” this baby will give you sample sexts to send to your S.O. Not only is there a lot of room for mistakes here (what if you accidentally send one that sounds like it was intended for someone else?), but if you need a computer to talk to your partner for you, you need to break up.
4. Breakup Text. Yep, this one’s exactly what it sounds like– Just tap a button and the app will send a goodbye-4eva text to your significant other. This might be out of line, but if you have five minutes to download an app, shouldn’t you have five minutes to make a phone call?
5. Cloth. We absolutely love the idea of this app— it lets you take pictures of every piece of clothing you own so you can virtually plan your outfits, which basically makes you Cher Horowitz— but if you actually have the time to use it? You’re probably not going out much.
6. Pantienon. Find a photo of a celebrity or any other woman, drag and drop a picture of panties onto her thighs, and finally see what she’d look like if she were taking her underwear off! WTF. I don’t care how much you like your guy. If you see that he has this app, kick him out.
7. Couple. If you and your partner are touching the same part of your iPhone screens at the same time, your phones will vibrate– and it’ll be like you’re kissing through your thumbs! It’s really cute in theory, but it’s hard enough to use that you’ll eventually get pissed. And probably break up.
8. iBone. It’s actually a virtual trombone, but your partner will probably misinterpret the name if they see this one on your screen.
9. Words With Friends. If you’ve ever gotten into a cutthroat WWF battle, you know what I’m talking about.
10. Boyfriend Kisser. Remember this one? It helps you improve your kissing technique… by letting you practice on a picture of Justin Bieber. If you get caught trying it out, just consider your relationship over.