My boyfriend of about two years and I have something really great going on. We’ve been through good times and terrible times together, but in the end we’re both deeply devoted to each other. Which is why I know he’s going to cheat on me.

I know, because life coach Laurie Gerber confirmed everything I suspected in her column on the Huffington Post (my go-to guide for relationship advice and cat photos) “Why My Husband Won’t Cheat on Me.” Gerber smartly knows to pleasure her partner constantly, worship him as a hero, talk openly and actively about sex, and fake a lot of orgasms for him. Or does she? Gerber is so confident about his confidence it’s hard to tell.

Well, consider my worst nightmares realized. Here’s why my boyfriend will definitely cheat on me.