Puttenham, England, is apparently Europe’s most outdoor-sex-friendly town! To celebrate this achievement, here are some tips for boning in the great outdoors, in case you want your town to beat Puttenham next year.

  • Wear a dress or skirt with no underwear. Outdoor sex often requires a getaway plan, so being mostly clothed helps.
  • Bring a blanket. Not for covering you – for covering the ground and making sure you don’t get grass burns on your ass. A, um, person I know told me that that’s really painful. Like on par with rug burn.
  • Do not try to set the mood by listening to the Beatles song “Why Don’t We Do It In the Road?” Everyone will catch on.
  • Please throw your condom wrapper in the trash. Don’t be a litterbug!
  • Being naked outside means that you could get bug bites, poison ivy, or sand in very painful places. So, to avoid this, I recommend doing it in a bed like a normal person.