With a new sex tape surfacing every other day, it’s high time that we addressed some basics that will help you avoid having one of your own leaked to the public. So awkward!

Here are a few pointers:

1. Don’t be famous. If you’re famous, people are way more likely to try to fuck you so they can surreptitiously tape the encounter and sell it.

2. If you are famous, never have sex. If you must, be sure to frisk the person in advance, and have your people (you should have people if you’re famous) scout a location for your tryst where no cameras can or will be.

3. Don’t tape yourself masturbating and send it to people. I know Danielle Staub did it, but that doesn’t make it right.

4. Hire a member of the mafia to go around and threaten all your old ex-boyfriends. You never know who has what. And if you need someone to just look like they’re in the mafia and say inexplicable, threatening things, you can probably hire Joe Guidice. I hear he needs money.

5. Oh yeah, don’t make a sex tape.