When I found out today that the singer Joan Osborne (remember her?) was turning 49, I thought two things: Yikes, I feel ancient and It totally sucks that she and her awful God song will always be synonymous with the night I lost my virginity. Where was Belle & Sebastian’s If You’re Feeling Sinister that evening? Woe is me.
I long for the day that someone says their first time was a romantical (yes, I made up this word) evening of love and orgasms and rose petals scattered amongst a dewy field overrun with lavender or some equally creepy shit, but I don’t think it will ever happen. Frankly, I don’t want to ever hear that as I’m sure it will induce some sort of physical reaction involving vomit and passing out. How can having sex for the first time not be an awkward situation? Hell, even as an adult, after years and years of practice, it can be awkward.
Since it’s Sunday, and Sunday is a day to rest and do the sex to each other, let’s take a gander at some of the most awkward, yet quite entertaining, but almost slightly romantic virginity-losing scenes in recent memory.