There is something funny on the internet, and I wanted to let you know about it. Meghan O’Keefe has written a fantastic piece outlining every woman’s dream wedding over at McSweeny’s. 

“God, I’m so happy for Matt and Alyssa, you know? Their wedding has just been so perfect.”

“Oh, I know! Those ghost orchids? GHOST ORCHIDS! How beautiful were they?”

“Exquisite! When I finally get married, I want my flowers to look just like Alyssa’s… except… even better, you know?”

“Oh, I know!”

“Instead of ghost orchids, I want to get real ghost orchids. Like, ghost orchids that are actually dead, but they’re still there in spirit. They just hover in the air like fairy shadows.”

Look, personally, I do not care about the ghost orchids so much. However, all of the waiters at my wedding will be ghosts. Not, like, normal ghosts, because people who do not even want ghosts hanging out around them can sometimes get those, but those ghosts of famous, illustrious people. So, Einstein will be serving you some slightly bland chicken while I dance. But the ghost of Einstein. He won’t be able to hug you, but he will be able to talk mathematics with you.

It’s going to require a pretty elaborate pact with Satan, but, to hell with it, it’s my special day. It will be my special, special day. With a fluttering frenzy of ghosts. It is going to be magnificent, and you are going to give me a lovely teapot in exchange, so it will all be worth it.

Picture via Getty