It can be frustrating when someone you love doesn’t love you back. Luckily, there are some steps you can take to remedy the situation.
1. Classical conditioning
2. Scent-mediated deprogramming
Disable the reasoning center of her brain by coating yourself with a variety of extremely strong, unrelated scents (such as Axe body spray, carpet deodorizer and deer urine) and then standing near her. Her small brain cannot process so many odors at once and she will become incapacitated and thus vulnerable to your advances. Convince her that she loves you while she is disabled by this barrage of olfactory stimulation.
3. Stockholm Syndrome
Warning: this may be highly illegal. To minimize the risk of legal repercussions, tie her up using a pretty ribbon instead of rope. This will make it look much less like a hostage/kidnapping situation and more like something fun and lighthearted. Also, try to keep her from screaming.
5. Yell really, really loud
Yelling is one of the oldest known persuasive techniques. Use it to your advantage.