It can be frustrating when someone you love doesn’t love you back.  Luckily, there are some steps you can take to remedy the situation.

1.  Classical conditioning

2.  Scent-mediated deprogramming

Disable the reasoning center of her brain by coating yourself with a variety of extremely strong, unrelated scents (such as Axe body spray, carpet deodorizer and deer urine) and then standing near her.  Her small brain cannot process so many odors at once and she will become incapacitated and thus vulnerable to your advances.  Convince her that she loves you while she is disabled by this barrage of olfactory stimulation.

3.  Stockholm Syndrome

Warning:  this may be highly illegal.  To minimize the risk of legal repercussions, tie her up using a pretty ribbon instead of rope.  This will make it look much less like a hostage/kidnapping situation and more like something fun and lighthearted.  Also, try to keep her from screaming.

4.  Juxtaposition

Wait for something really terrible to happen to her, then stand nearby and act suave.  Compared to her personal tragedy, you will start to look pretty awesome.  It’s simple logic, really.

5.  Yell really, really loud

Yelling is one of the oldest known persuasive techniques.  Use it to your advantage.