For a long time, I had a dildo in my glove compartment.

I honestly can’t tell you why, or where it came from — I want to say that it was a free gift with purchase from Babeland or something, but why it came out of the bag on the way from the store to my apartment is anyone’s guess (keep your mind out of the gutter).

Well, after being pulled over more than once and having to dig past my traveling sex toys in order to retrieve my registration, I finally decided to take it out and bring it into the bedroom — but it looks like that may have been a mistake!

A 56-year-old Illinois woman named Carolee Bildsten recently wielded her dildo as a weapon — against a police officer, who was trying to get her to pay for a meal after her second attempt at a dine-n-dash, but that’s beside the point. I wish I had known that I could keep it in my car as a first line of defense…albeit, a not very effective one:

“Bildsten…pulled out the ‘pleasure device’ and charged toward the officer with the sex toy raised over her head, Patrick said.

The officer deflected the device with his hand, and was not injured.”