I hope this stock photo model never finds out what I’m using her image to represent.

Marriage equality opponents seem to have one thing on their mind: marrying their pets. Or, at least, this is what they cannot stop talking about in relation to the legalization of same-sex marriage. Why? Because obviously, if two consenting adults who love each other are able to wed each other and get several significant benefits that heterosexual couples unquestioningly have, then all your neighbors will start trying to put their labradors in drop waist wedding gowns from Vera Wang’s newest collection or fancy powder blue suits by Bark Jacobs. Isn’t he lovely? They’ll say. We always knew Growlcho Marx could pull off a tux like no man.

In fact, there appears to be a lot of confusion regarding the things that will occur should gay marriage be legalized completely. In light of yesterday’s Supreme Court declaration that DOMA is unconstitutional, people have been spouting all sorts of ideas on the future of our country. From fucking animals to marrying a little kid, it seems that marriage equality opponents are either being incredibly facetious or are actually the most dramatic, gullible idiots I can imagine.

Then again, they are fighting against certain people being able to obtain rights they already possess, which will not remotely impact their lives negatively and will only serve to create an even field for all sexualities, so perhaps I will just assume the latter possibility is the most accurate one. They are idiots.

Idiots who really, really wish they could marry their dogs.

Photo: Shutterstock[ITPGallery]