By which I guess I mean I want to french kiss you through the Internet. According to CNN:

A Japanese lab has created a device that may let let you “French kiss” someone over the Internet.

And by “kiss,” we mean waggle your tongue on a plastic straw, thereby making another plastic straw waggle remotely on someone else’s tongue.

And it’s not just people you know! Because that would be super lame. It’s total strangers. Creators remark:

“For example, if you have a popular entertainer use this device and record it, that could be hugely popular if you offer it to fans,” Takahashi says. (Can you say, “Justin Bieber”?)

You know what I think? I think people are lonely. Lonlier than any of us care to admit. I’m going to go back to French kissing this office cushion now.