Welcome to Bad in Bed, where we discuss sex and relationship advice that we don’t want, and the people we don’t want it from. Today’s topic is John Mayer.

So. You’re John Mayer. I’m not really sure what you do, other than date utterly unthreatening white women with staunchly mediocre levels of talent, ranging in age from 20-40. You do seem to have a type, and we commend you for that.

But you, sir, have no place dishing out sex advice, mostly because none of us (well, not me at least) want to fancy ourselves the second coming of Jessica Simpson, Taylor Swift or Jennifer Aniston. All lovely women, all thoroughly uninteresting.

But, as is almost always the case with our Bad in Bed , that doesn’t stop you from dispensing advice anyway. According to the New York Post, Mayer was overheard at a party telling a female fan that one day she will make someone very happy, if only she talks dirty in bed.

Not bad advice, I guess, but again, if I were going to take some famous dude’s suggestion about what to do in bed, I’d rather take it from somebody who was fucking women who are a lot more interesting. Someone who was fucking, say, Courtney Love, or Joan Jett, or Condoleeza Rice.

You know? Wouldn’t you like to hear what Kurt Cobain might have to say about the ways in which you might one day make a partner happy? Well, you never will. But even in death, he’s better than John Mayer.