Even if I've asked you not to a 100 times.

On Wednesdays, Amanda Chatel will be sharing stories about her strange, fascinating and sometimes wonderful dating life. If it makes you want to date, check out TheGloss dating page.

Normally for “Dating Hijinks,” I go through your emails and take out the bits and pieces that are the best, and thread them together. I do this mostly because I like to slice and dice and I want to make room for more than one tale. However, Sami’s essay I’m printing in its entirety, because my god, you guys, this guy is the devil.

I know over the years I have written about my qualms with and general misadventures in dating. This year I got into two situations (Chatel note: we’re saving that one for another date) that were way over my head in a Friday night Lifetime movie sort of way. I’d like to think of myself as a savvy dater. Since I’ve spent most of my life not in a relationship, I have never felt intense pressure to be one half of a couple. I have really awesome friends that probably, more than anything, make me a very lazy dater. I’ve tried to frame what occurred in a way so that it could at least seem like a cautionary tale.

I met up with this guy for a first date at the local mall. He was the first person from an online dating site that I had ever met up with for a date in the years that I’ve been on dating sites. He had asked me out two years prior, but I had tonsillitis at the time, and never ended up meeting up with him. The fact that he literally signed back up for online dating to contact me should have been some sort of red flag. My screen name was different and pictures were all different. He remembered everything about our conversations from years before. I remembered a few basic details.

He outright refused to call me Sami, as he hated my name. He only referred to me as Samantha. Our “coffee date” turned into us going suit shopping for him. I may be in the minority of women who really dislike shopping. At one point in the date I was talking about something, he stopped me, and said, “No, I don’t want to talk about this. I don’t care.” To which I surprisingly replied, “you can’t just say things like that to people.” I had to pay for his hot chocolate because he left his wallet at work the day before. He never did drink the hot chocolate because it was hot and he didn’t generally like chocolate. He just ordered something to order something. Again, why we were suit shopping when he couldn’t afford a hot chocolate… the world may never know.

I saw him more times that week. He got away with far more than he should just based on the fact that I found him very attractive, and felt lucky that he was going out with me. Genuinely, anyone would find him very good looking. What I liked most of all was how easy he was to talk to. That, for me, is kryptonite. Through our conversations though he would slowly chip away at me:”Don’t you know that for most guys you talk too much?” “What you wore on our first date was not attractive.” “Your hair is a mess.” etc. Granted, he did pick out good clothes for me, and a good new haircut… but this was a slowly building terrible situation. I made excuses that he was advanced in school, and didn’t socially adapt well. He didn’t have friends, and I felt bad for him. He called me two weeks into dating. At this point we had decided that we were exclusive.

One night he had silenced a phone call from his mom, and it turned out that call was to tell him that his dad was in the hospital with meningitis. I felt awful for him, and offered to help however I could since I knew he had a busy school schedule too. This is the point where he blamed me for his dad’s meningitis. He felt that in the two weeks since meeting me, his life had fallen apart, and that clearly I was to blame for all of it. I brought “bad Karma”. He made it very clear that he never wanted to talk to me again. I unfriended him on Facebook to go along with his wishes. He called two weeks later acting as if nothing happened.

By this point I was already dating somebody else, but would talk to him via phone on the weekends while he ate his daily meal of kale. He had some food issues. Each food item had to be eaten separately. He mostly ate kale, sometimes an apple. Each phone call was exhausting, tedious, and lasted for hours. I had mentioned the first name of the guy I was seeing, and by the next week he had thoroughly Internet stalked him. He would say he didn’t have friends, and didn’t have time to make friends. He would tell me about organizations he was involved in, but other people involved were always up to shady things. Not him though, never him. He always acted as if he was the savior in all scenarios.

He was curious if I had single friends I could set him up with. That felt like a strange request as he had previously maintained that he didn’t have time for a relationship. He had mentioned that we should go out as friends for a night on the town. Neither of us drink so I was mildly intrigued for a while at the thought. It wasn’t until I stopped dating the new person that I finally took him up on that offer. Quite literally, I called him an hour after breaking up with the other guy. I didn’t want to dwell. I was sort of bummed, and thought I could use a distraction.

I drove over to his apartment on a Friday night, and from there we went downtown. I’m not the most extroverted person. He knew this. I’m also not very attracted to drunk people (great segue for later). I chatted here or there with some people, but there were just a lot of rowdy people around. What can I say? I’m more of a quiet person. He tried to pass me along to some 50-something guy. When I asked him what he was doing, he said I had no right to be picky about guys and that I should just be happy that anyone pays attention to me. Around 12:30am I wanted to leave because I would still have to drive home. At the beginning of the night he had said that we could leave whenever I had had enough, especially since my health was iffy at the time. When we did leave, he decided to not be quiet about it and instead to make as much of a scene as possible.

In the car things got bad. Because I had felt so comfortable talking to him over the previous months, I had told him a lot. A lot included things other guys had said or did that made me feel awful. Except as soon as he was saying things, I immediately recognized their familiarity. I was extra observant because my friend, Sean, had mentioned that he felt this guy sounded like he was manipulative and to be cautious. That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. The guy told me I was an embarrassment. I started to cry. Luckily, I had my phone, and at that moment a message came through from a filmmaker penpal I was keeping in touch with. It instantly made me feel better. The manipulative behavior became more apparent when I finally got to my car.

At this point he was yelling at me on the street. Cursing at me on the street. “Don’t you realize that no one will ever want you? You have no right to be picky. You have health issues. You are damaged. No one will want you. Only I ever will.” I had been silent the entire car ride, but ended the conversation by saying that I knew that there had been one person that knew everything about me and had cared about me. Even if it hadn’t worked out, at least I knew that at least one person had really cared. I immediately drove away.

I finally broke all contact by deleting him, again, as a friend on Facebook. Two hours later he e-mailed me after having not talked to me for almost two months. He said he hurt his hand in May (this had to be a lie because I talked to him at the end of the month without injury mention), could no longer go into the medical specialty he wanted, and could I pick what field he should go into. I told him that while I wished him well, it was not my decision to make, and to go with what made the most sense to him. Hopefully, this will remain the end to this story.

Seriously, Sami. He’s clearly a psycho. Do you have a tale to share? You know the drill: chatel.amanda@gmail.com