anna karenina

Do you need an incentive not to become someone’s mistress other than, “It is not a strictly moral thing to do?” I would probably suggest that it’s emotionally unsatisfying, and you might develop feelings for the person, or they might develop serious feelings for you, and they’re not going to leave their wife, and the whole thing will probably just leave everyone a bit sad. I’m only saying this because this is the experience of every single person I know who has gotten involved with married men.

But if that is not a sufficient reason, a writer at Salon explains that the sex will suck and you’ll probably have to get up really early in the morning. She writes that:

 Though I’d been promised a fancy dinner and sex toys, the combination of a delayed arrival and an early morning meeting the next day meant a few hours of exhausted sex followed by me hailing a 7 a.m. cab after too little sleep. It wasn’t quite what I’d expected, but I suppressed my disappointment as he promised, again and again, that next time he’d make it up to me. Next time we’d have dinner, next time he’d give me a birthday present, next time he’d make my fantasies come true.

Right, no, that will never happen. That will not happen because affairs do not work out the way they do in a 1950’s movie, or Mad Men, or whatever you are watching that makes you believe that they are smooth and uncomplicated endeavors. I was thinking to myself, “Well, at least his wife did not call her in a fury” when…

When I didn’t hear from him that evening, I went to the hotel at 8:30 as planned and waited in the lobby. For an hour and a half I waited. He didn’t respond to instant messages, so I switched to texts. When that didn’t work, I tried calling him. Finally, I gave up: It was obvious he wasn’t coming. Furious, I hailed a cab and made my way home.

 

At 6 in the morning, I finally got a response. My phone buzzed loudly, rousing me from my sleep; the screen revealed a series of angry text messages from someone claiming to be my paramour’s wife. She wanted me to stop talking to him, she said. She was going to call me right away to discuss my relationship with her man. The idea that she thought I would actually pick up the phone to be berated by her seemed ludicrous. I turned off my phone and went back to sleep.

Sounds about right. Of course she left furious messages. The only surprising thing is that the author did not have a guilt attack and actually talk to her.

Don’t have an affair, okay? It sounds like it will not be fun. It sounds like it will kind of suck. Just a friendly reminder if you were planning on initiating an affair with someone this afternoon.

Picture via Anna Karenina