marriage is great

Your Tango just published a piece by a man named Winston explaining why men should avoid the marriage trap. I definitely think it makes sense to avoid the marriage trap with Winston. Because:

1) Winston does not want to get married

2) Wow, Winston does not want to get married

3) No, Winston does not want to get married. He wrote an article about it.

4) If Winston marries “a beautiful oriental lady, he will always be lusting after hot white women.”

5) Winston is almost definitely going to cheat on you.

6) When Winston is in “a committed relationship he constantly has another female that he cares more about and is more interesting to him on his mind.”

7) Being in a marriage with Winston sounds hilariously awful.

8) Winston SO does not want to get married, bro.


10) Has Winston mentioned he doesn’t want to get married?

Ladies: do not marry Winston. In fact, do not try to marry men who do not want to get married. Do not try to marry people you need to coerce or threaten or cajole into marriage. Marry people who want to get married and are excited to spend the rest of their lives with you. Hold out for that, because that is the bare minimum of what you should expect when marrying someone.

But. Since we’re here, let’s also evaluate Winston’s reasons that men shouldn’t let themselves get trapped in the nightmare-world that is marriage.

1)  You might regret it… You can’t know what’s going to happen down the line, so why make unrealistic promises? That is foolish and unwise. It is also dishonest in a sense too.

Well, that’s really where the whole “for better or worse” thing comes in. Marriage is a testament not to our faith in our partner’s ability to stay the same (and perfect) forever. They won’t. It’s a testament to faith in ourselves, because saying those vows means that we have faith that we’ll be able to continue loving someone even if – or when – they are their worst self.

2) It will kill your sex life… If sex is important, why kill it off?! By doing so, you’ve shot yourself in the foot – all because society told you to. Now how do you like that? 

Well, first of all, this is factually wrong. According to The National Health And Social Life Survey, married people lead more active sex lives than the single, and married people also express higher levels of satisfaction with their sex lives than single people.

But it’s also possible you’ve shot yourself in the foot because you didn’t step it up. Buy the Kama Sutra. Role Play. Have sex on a golf course (that’s a thing people do, right?).  Go to swingers conventions, or threesomes, if your partner is into that. But mostly, have the kind of relationship where you can tell someone that sex is important to you and find a way to get both your needs met. Because one of the greatest advantages of marriage seems is that you will have regular access to someone you find attractive and like sleeping with, who likes sleeping with you, too.

3) You can never experience romantic or sexual variety again without breaking your vows… If you are married to a white woman, you will be lusting after exotic silky feminine oriental women you can never have. If you are married to an oriental lady, you will be lusting after hot white women. Etc. It’s inevitable…No more sexual adrenaline rushes for you. Nothing in marriage can replace such things, for marriage does not provide such stimulation. Marriage is nothing but monotonous routine, kept stable just for the children, not for you.

I once heard from someone who had a long lasting marriage, that marriage meant falling in love with your spouse over and over. And that, because people are constantly evolving, there are always new things to notice and be struck by and marvel at. That sounds really nice. I think those exotic silky feminine oriental women really deserve that.

3b) What if you are no longer sexually attracted to your wife? And then this hot young woman who looks like something from your fantasy comes into your life, or becomes your secretary?

Okay, you need to not sexually harass your secretary.

4) You can never make any new friends of the opposite sex again, without your spouse becoming suspicious or jealous…if she does find out, she will demand that you hide nothing from her and let her see all the communication/correspondence you have with your new “female buddy”.

Huh? Everyone at TheGloss has close friends of the opposite sex. If our boyfriends started demanding we run all our “male buddy” correspondence by them as if we were in prison we would… find them very controlling? Break up with them, probably? Wonder if we’d stumbled into some kind of cult by accident? I think the answer to this is “marry someone who trusts and respects you.”

5) Marriage does not necessarily make you happier… couples either argue or just tolerate each other out of commitment. The myth of “happily ever after” has been disproven endlessly, yet people still believe it.

Well, The British Journal Of Medical Psychology reports that “married men and women enjoy better health and emotional well-being than unmarried men and women” so the odds are at least in your favor there. But more importantly, dude, have you ever been to a nursing home and seen the people who come in to sit and hold their spouses hands when their spouses are crippled by dementia? Of course people fall in love and find that it lasts forever. People don’t believe in happily ever after because they’re gullible or naive, people believe in it because it happens all the time.

6) Divorce rates are high and rising

Yes. Obesity rates are also rising. The cure for that is not “no one should eat food!”  That is not logic.

7) A man could lose his property, assets and children in a divorce…you see it’s a raw deal for men. Marriage protects women and children, at the expensive of men, who are expendable. It gives security to women, and stability to children, but nothing to men. That’s because society cares about women and children, but not men. So don’t let them take advantage of you.

Well, society actually cares about caregivers. Let’s say you’re a woman and you give up your career to raise a child. Your husband is the breadwinner. If he divorces you, you’re going to have an awfully big gap on your resume. It’s going to be hard for you to support that child by yourself, perhaps even in a way it might not have been prior to marriage. This works both ways. There are more and more cases of men electing to be stay-at-home dads who then get alimony from their bread-winning spouse. That said, if it’s a great concern, you can always get a pre-nup.

8. Marriage is artificial and unnatural. Love is a wonderful natural thing between two people that cannot be expressed in words. It lets you experience your biggest highs and lowest lows. It is highly personal too. Now what does that have to do with an artificial government contract? NOTHING! So why does society say it does? Because society wants to CONTROL you!

Most things in life are artificial and unnatural. If we were all behaving as nature dictated, then we would be flinging feces at strangers before we tried to kill them or fuck them in exchange for a slab of raw meat. Today, this only happens at very particular sushi restaurants (if you’re in New York, do stop by Sushi Samba). Society controls you? Okay. By and large, we’re in favor of that.

9) Marriage was created to benefit society and women, NOT men.

We’ve already discussed how statistics evidence that men and women in married relationships have more rewarding sex lives. Men also live longer and earn more money. That seems like a win for men. But I guess you are losing the freedom to be a 50 year old guy at a bar creepily hitting on women you might have drunkly fathered 25 years ago?

 10) Marriage takes away your freedom and liberty. From a certain point of view, marriage is essentially SERVITUDE – to your spouse, to the relationship, and the family as well. It is not freedom. You can’t just do whatever you want or put your own interest first.

No. That is correct. That is also the definition of maturity.

Besides, in return, you get someone who is willing to witness your life. Which is something we want. In an age of Twitter and Facebook and all kinds of social media, we deal so much of our information away to everyone. We deal it away like playing cards. We want so badly to be known. But in the end, there are only a handful of people in your life who will ever really know you, because the things that define us aren’t things that we put in status updates. There are so few people who will know how you respond when you’re tired or cranky or in a rage. That’s the kind of knowledge that takes years, and, to be perfectly honest, in life, there are so few people who will have any interest in knowing you that way. Having sex with someone is easy. Loving someone is easy if you say you’re going to bail as soon as the first rush of infatuation is over. But sticking with someone, and resolving to know them in every way, that seems difficult. But it also seems like what we really want, as human beings. To find someone willing to do that, and who will carry the knowledge of what we are really like around with them each day, that is so rare and miraculous. And if that means putting up with terrible in-laws, and even only having sex with one terrific person forever, well, that’s a pretty small price to pay.