As I have written about before, I am single. Super single. Like, the most single you can be without actually being dead. This is perfectly fine with me most of the time, but I can’t help but think that I’ve been cheated out of something when I see all of the little perks that people in relationships have. While I know that there are many benefits to being single (Never having to concede to ordering Chinese food over pizza! Infinite girls’ nights! Never apologizing for watching The CW!) I do think that my friends who are in relationships might be on to something. Here are the amazing perks of being in a relationship, as told by a single gal.
You can get out of absolutely anything.
Your most pretentious friend wants you to go to their spoken word competition on the night where the only thing you want to watch is reruns of Friends and the inside of your refrigerator? Sucks for us singles, who will inevitably get dragged to the attic of a coffee house that inexplicably has a two-drink minimum. Thankfully people ask few questions when you tell them you’re so sorry you can’t make it, but your boyfriend’s great grandma just took a sharp turn for the worst.
You will never have to forgo dessert.
Have you ever been out to dinner with friends who simply don’t have the same undying craving for sugar as you do? They can stay stuffed all they want. If you’re in a relationship, a significant other is obligated to share dessert with you out of love.
You’ll get dozens of days off work.
If you’re in a relationship you’re passing germs back and forth to one another constantly. Think that’s going to wreak havoc on your immune system? Probably, and that might be the best thing ever! What’s more adorable than sharing a killer cold, staying home from work, and comparing fever dreams the next day? Basically nothing. Relationships = sick days = awesome fun vacay time.
You’ll receive automatic social media validation.
Are you going off about the rude waiter at Applebee’s on your Facebook page? Even if you’re being a total crazy person, you’re S.O. is probably going to like your post out of mere loyalty/obligation. (So will your Mom, but if your Mom is anything like my Mom, she will like everything.)
You’ll become a culinary wizard.
I know that they make cookbooks revolved solely around cooking for one, but why would I ever want to expel any more energy than it takes to walk over to my microwave and nuke some Trader Joe’s eggplant parm? Why? Being in a relationship is another story — cooking for two is an experience, and you’ll have plenty of chances to hone your craft on the nights when you plan a romantic evening in.
You’ll always have a ride home from the airport.
There are entire subplots of romantic comedies devoted to shaming the boyfriend too lazy or stubborn to pick up their girlfriend from the airport. No one wants to be the sucky boyfriend in a romantic comedy, which means that if you’re in a relationship you’re all but guaranteed a ride home. Plus, if they are taking the trip with you, you guys can totally share a cab, halving the price of your ride home. Win-win!
(Note to readers: I’ve been informed that you can, in fact, get many of these benefits by having a solid group of friends, an infectious pre-schooler, or a personal chef. If you have these things and are happy in your singlehood, boy, do I envy you.)