Oh, that jester! Wait. No. No, he’s not joking at all. Here’s O’Reilly’s logic.

1) 25% of Americans now binge drink, which qualifies as having 5 or more drinks in one sitting.

2) Paying for birth control for all women would cost $4 billion

So he concludes that this is a bad idea because:

3) “Many women who get pregnant are blasted out of their minds when they have sex, [so] they’re not going to use birth control anyway.”

Okay, wait. Wait. I’m speaking as someone who has had five or more drinks in an evening. 5 drinks seems like it would fit into the category of “things that will give me a headache the next day.” It doesn’t seem like something that has caused me to engage in behavior that is risky beyond possibly drunk dialing my ex. To be fair, I asked around the office about “risky things they’ve done after, say, 5 glasses of wine” and one WILD AND CRAZY INTERN reports taking a hike and taking pictures of horses. We live life on the edge. So. No one in this office is blasted out of their mind after five drinks, even though we ackowledge it would be bad to consume that much alcohol say, daily. To me, being blasted out of your mind would entail “being black-out drunk”. So, if 25% of people were getting black-out drunk, maybe this argument would make some sense.

BUT only if those people followed up “getting drunk” with “necessarily having sex.” Which seems unlikely.A lot of them will be busy vomiting andor engaging in wild drunken hijinks.

Also, what birth control are they talking about? Are they talking about some kind of hilariously complicated condom people can’t use after 5 drinks? (But they can hike! They can adjust camera settings!) Does Bill O’Reilly know how birth control works? Does he know that it’s not something one just urgently has to chomp down immediately before a man enters you, which you cannot do because you’re black-out out drunk? Normal women take a pill every day. You can miss one every so often and still not get pregnant. So, just limit your black-outs to “once an a while” and you’ll be fine.

Look, I guess we could go on and on about this, but I think what I’m trying to say is “I’m not sure Bill O’Reilly has really considered this very well.”