Do you have issues with your no-longer-best girlfriend? Is your coworker driving you crazy? Megan Carpentier is here to give you the life advice that you don’t want to hear, told in the way you absolutely need to hear it.

I’m one of those Facebook addicts who constantly puts links to articles on their pages in order to engage with new friends and old (yes, I know it’s cheezy). Sometimes, it results in drama. I mean, I know a de-friending is in order for someone who is all “ZOMG OBAMA IS A SECRET MUSLIM WHO HATES WHITE PEOPLE!!1!” in the comment thread… but what do you do when two of your friends use it to conduct a private conversation in front of the rest of your 1,200 unrelated friends? And my “private conversation,” I mean that they sniped at each other about issues regarding their (now-ended) sexual relationship in rather graphic terms.

The only answer: get out the popcorn, as it’s the only thing that will go with that delicious, bittersweet Schadenfreude.

Look: they know damn well that everyone that can see your comment thread can see their tiff, and rather than deleting it or taking it down, they left it up. Each of them is seeking approval for their actions or, at a minimum, to win the war of friend attrition; neither of them realizes that they both look equally bad for trying to bash on the other. And neither of them is really thinking through the consequences on some untold number of strangers reading which of them has a small penis and which of them never gives blow jobs.

That, there’s nothing you can do about. What you can do is email your sparring friends, separately, and point out that all of your other 1,200 friends saw the spat and that, for most of those people, your friends’ sexual issues are the sole bits of knowledge those people now how about the two of them. Apologize that things didn’t work out, ask if either of them needs to talk, and request that they keep their personal battles off your pages. And, if that doesn’t work, you can either weigh in asking them to stop the next time (likely ruining everyone else’s fun) or cut them both off with an email message that says until they can stop bitching about one another, they are both banned from doing it on your page.

Just, before that, can you friend me?

When I sent out my wedding invites — mostly, admittedly, because there were a couple of my friends’ significant others that I didn’t want around to cause scenes and generally ruin my wedding — one of my friends who does have a boyfriend was totally supportive of my decision. For one, she and her boyfriend had only been together a couple of months and, truth be told, she was happy to not have to deal with the significant others in question. Fast forward six months, and the significant others we hated are both out of the picture… but my friend’s boyfriend is totally awesome and a really good friend of both my fiance’s and mine. Can we invite him now? Ask her to bring him after all? What’s the etiquette on this?

Well, it depends on how open you were (explicitly or implicitly) that the rule was in place to keep the little-liked now-exes of your friends at bay. If it was clear, at the time, that the rule was sort of there because of those two people, even to your friends, then it’s probably no biggie to the now-singletons. If, however, you went to a great deal of effort to prove it wasn’t about their significant others, you will likely have some sort of explanation to give — after, of course, you ascertain that your third friend and her boyfriend want to come.

The first thing you should do, when welcoming your friend’s boyfriend to the wedding, is to make sure he understands that it’s not an obligation. Wedding invites often make people feel obligated to attend and, since he wasn’t, it might be hard for him to attend: your female friend may have already made plane reservations, or agreed to share a hotel room with another guest; her boyfriend may have already made alternate plans or it might be too late to get anything but a hyper-expensive flight. So you ought to preface any conversation with a level of honesty about why he wasn’t invited to start, that you now consider him a dear friend and hope that your initial oversight won’t preclude his attendance — but that you understand if it will.

And then, if he decides to come, it’s probably worth mentioning to your friends whose significant others were left out — if you don’t want to say that the whole plan developed in order to keep two people from attending, just tell them that you didn’t want them to feel like you’d changed your mind, but that the boyfriend in question had become a dear friend in his own right. If they’re pissy, they’re pissy — and it’s probably because they know that you hated their exes. But, unless you all want to rehash why, insist that the alternate theory is all there is to it and make a point to chat with him at the reception while they’re around.

If you have a problem with a friend, relative, coworker, or other person in your life, email Megan at advice@thegloss.com. If you have a problem with your boyfriend, you should probably just try talking to him.