Panda sushi! Yes, this does somehow relate to oral sex.

I came to the realization the other night that I just don’t like cunnilingus. If I never had it again, I’d be fine with it. While “loathe” might be a strong word, it’s definitely something I don’t need on the menu every time I have sex with someone.

As I’m sure I’ve written about before, a lot of men, especially when they’re younger, aren’t really quite sure where things are. This turns into a fast lapping that lacks direction and is similar to when one quickly licks at their melting ice cream cone on a summer’s day. I can admit that there have only been two men in my life who have been able to give me an orgasm from oral sex. One, due to other, ahem, short-comings had learned to master it because he physically had no choice in the matter; while the other, well, there was probably some sort of love on my part involved and everything he did was the greatest thing in the history of the world and he should be awarded some medal of honor for being so cool, having a better vinyl collection than mine and making me crazy like no other. Obviously, that former opinion has changed. Sort of.

But even with these two particular men, I always slightly hoped we could just skip the whole oral sex part. I was more than happy to give, but not so excited to receive. Although I would like to point out that their desire to give was definitely exciting and a turn on, it was something on which I could pass. I won’t even get into both the physical and mental response whenever I’ve heard “sit on my face.” No, thanks, love.

As a means to test this theory and finally come clean about my less than enthusiastic feelings on receiving oral sex, my current partner and I gave it a try — with the complete honesty out there between us. His feeling is that I’m too much of a stress case and refuse to relax, while I argued that while this is true, I saw the cunnilingus part of the evening as almost a break from the events that were going on so I could think about what I had to do the following day or what color I should get during my next manicure. It wasn’t a knock against him or any fella who came before (that’s what she said!), or should come after him, it was just simply a lack of interest. I’m not interested in reading Fifty Shades of Grey, movies with impossible endings or watered-down coffee. It’s just how it is.

While I explained to Mr. Current Partner that I wouldn’t stop him from going down on me if that was something enjoyable for him, he just shouldn’t expect me to get all amped up and put on a show. It is what it is. Although now I’m thinking I should have just kept this to myself because he’s made it some sort of mission to prove me wrong. I tried to tell him opinions can’t be wrong, but he seems to feel otherwise when it comes to oral sex.