BroApp reviews

This bro is using front facing camera to check out his fedora.

There’s this new app for embarrassing jerks that the internet is clamoring about called BroApp. It plays off of old gender stereotypes and is just next level pathetic. BroApp is a service for goofuses that don’t seem to like their girlfriends very much.

Here’s a brief description of the app from GooglePlay:

“BroApp is your clever relationship wingman. It automatically messages your girlfriend sweet things so you can spend more time with the Bros. Select your girlfriend’s number, add some sweet messages, and set the time of day when you want those messages sent. BroApp takes care of the rest.”

Basically, it’s a smartphone application that will send short messages to a Bro’s girlfriend so that he doesn’t have to waste precious bro-time appeasing the old ball and chain with affection. Ladies be texting, amirite? Apparently, communicating with someone one is supposed to care about is wildly taxing and time-consuming. That time could be better spent in the steam room of the Loyal Order of Water Buffalos Lodge with Fred Flintstone.

The application is not only gross in conception, but also execution. For just $1.99, bros won’t ever have to think about texting their girlfriends again or getting caught while they’re at it. To make sure bros don’t get caught being inattentive pricks, the app has taken “all possible steps to safeguard the BroApp secret.”For example, BroApp doesn’t send out the phony messages when the Bro is at his girlfriend’s house and comes complete with what is referred to as a “Girlfriend Intrusion Detector.”

I have a few suggestions for potential BroApp users that would save them money, time and potentially their relationships. Bros, instead of purchasing this app you could…

  • Tell your girlfriend you don’t want to text her so much, but that doesn’t mean you don’t care about her.
  • Break up with a girl who you don’t think deserves the time of day.
  • Text her when you think about her.

Perhaps you’re wondering: what kind of sad bro is buying and using BroApp? We found out for you. Based on the reviews, these are the 5 kinds of bros with BroApp:

1) Philandering Bro
bro #5 2) Philandering Bro Who Speaks For His Friendsbro#1 3) Girlfriend-Guilting Brobro#2 4) Philandering Bro Jones. bro #3 5) Philandering Grammar Brobro #4

If my boyfriend is reading this: do not download BroApp. If you do, I will know and I will be so mad that you’ll sleep in an actual doghouse.