A while back, I wrote about a woman selling fake pregnancy tests over Craigslist. At the time, I wondered a great many things. Who would possibly be interested in this? and Why would anybody fake a baby? and Who the shit wants to touch somebody else’s pee? Now, every so often, I receive emails from random women begging to know where they can get a false pregnancy test–which is terrifying. Luckily, they now have a store for people looking to lie about one of the only things in life that is truly fucked up: babies.
Fake A Baby considers itself home to “The Best Gag Gifts On Earth.” What are the most wondrous presents one could ever receive in jest? Their repertoire includes (but is not limited to):
- Positive pregnancy tests
- 2D personalized ultrasound sonograms
- 3D personalized ultrasound sonograms
- Fake DNA tests
- Fake medical tests
- Fake prescriptions
- Fake pregnancy bellies at various stages
- Customized newspaper pregnancy announcements
For the picky fake mom, there are even fake “proof” of pregnancy documents that you can add entirely too much falsified information for:
Roleplaying is so fun! And isn’t it funny how these “gag gifts” are all items that could seriously damage a person’s life and are almost invariably involved in (A) cruel pranks or (B) cruel lies. Oh, and the site’s motto?
Yeah. Yeah. Also, that’s a question, bro; end it in a question mark. And the answer would be “because it would be real that way, or else you shouldn’t be lying about it.”
They also have the single funniest Facebook I have ever seen. All 20 of its fans get to enjoy pictures ranging from the offensive:
To the offensively bright:
To the borderline nonsensical:
How did I find this site, you ask? I was looking to freak out my partner on Valentine’s Day, duh! No, just kidding, I wanted to keep him as my boyfriend for life. No, I’m just kidding again. It turns out that a friend of my coworker actually dated a woman who utilized Fake A Baby in order to back up a fabricated pregnancy–twice.
First, she lied about being pregnant while gaining a considerable amount of weight. When her partner requested to come with her to the doctor, she hired a guy to pose as a doctor, but he wound up backing out and had to break the news to her partner. Then, when he broke up with her, she returned a few weeks later with the news now, she was absolutely pregnant and had sonograms to prove it. Those sonograms were apparently, according to this person, purchased from FakeABaby.com.
Now, approximately 99.everyone % of humans would never do something as awful and manipulative as lie about a pregnancy, but given the number of emails I’ve received requesting fake tests (most of which have subject lines like “URGENT” and “HELP”), I am inclined to believe that there are still a few who would. To be fair, I had also gone my whole life believing nobody would lie about something like cancer, but then somebody did (twice, in fact) and a whole lot of you said you knew somebody who did the same.
So, y’know, long story short: the human race is fucked, let’s all give up and never trust anybody again. Happy New Year!!!