Oh adults, just when I thought you had put on your big human pants, stopped sticking up your middle finger at the camera, and started hand washing your delicates, you betray your emotional age by combining all manner of obnoxious Instagram behavior. I’m mostly talking to you, Cara Delevingne, because of the following ridiculous photo.(Photo: Cara Delevingne/Instagram)
No. No, no, no. Not only does posting a photo of a hickey you gave somebody along with the caption “Love bites <3 #fittybum” make you that couple everyone f’ing hates, but it also screams “look at me, look at me, this is evidence that I am an adult who makes SEXY SEX DECISIONS!!” We get it: you sucked on somebody’s neck, broke his blood vessels, and then insisted that he pose for a photo that you could post on the Internet.
Now, I don’t expect much of Cara Delevingne. Sure, at times she can be mildly charming and is unbelievably GIFable, but she’s also the type of idiot who gets a white ink tattoo of the phrase “breathe deep” (just in case she forgets) and most of the time, I just find her to be exhausting and–despite popular opinion–devoid of personality, at least publicly. She has quickly become the Miley Cyrus of the modeling world, posting and posing for photos meant to ~*cause controversy*~ (ahem, blatantly dropping white powder in front of paparazzi, ahem).
So while I think that this photo was obnoxious, I suppose that most of humanity is still mature enough to know now to run around posting photos to their Instagram accounts. Then again, anybody who follows more than 100 people knows that on any given day, at least five of your friends will post a “I’ve found my match” or “How’d I get so lucky?” kissing/cuddling/artistically dancing on the beach photo with a bunch of heart emojis. Most people are guilty of cutesy photos to some extent, and that’s okay. But as long as there aren’t any hickeys in the shots, I s’pose those are pretty tolerable.