[vimeo video=”64116043″]

Like many companies, idiots and the overwhelming majority of society in the Middle Ages, Coca-Cola believes that women are all heterosexual, physically weak and should be pushed into getting with a man as soon as possible before her ovaries become two sobbing raisins that knit Christmas socks for the fallopian tubes. As a result, they created a marketing campaign that forced a bunch of women to ask dudes to open bottles for them in order to obtain the beverage they purchased.

Their matchmaking skillz were shown off as follows:

  1. Establish that finding a person to marry is, like, really really hard.
  2. Do not acknowledge anything wrong with the idea that everyone needs to get married.
  3. Make bottles of Coke ridiculously hard to open.
  4. Put said bottles in public vending machine.
  5. ?????
  6. PROFIT.

No, really, they profit because they got people to buy soda. Then, women who spent their money were unable to open the bottles were forced to approach men nearby and ask them to open their soda — this was (presumably) staged, since I strongly doubt every woman was incapable of popping those bottles and I doubt every guy had the strength to do so. But then the pairs start chatting! Sharing cat memes! Making babies!

No wait, they’re just drinking their stupid sodas, probably in an attempt to awkwardly walk away from one another because strangers don’t get married because of hard-to-open beverages.

For the record, just about nobody wants to be set up by a soda company, let alone with strangers. That isn’t how love works, and this wasn’t the adorable romantic comedy that Coca-Cola seems to believe it is. It’s just heteronormative idiocy.

Coca-Cola IceBreaker from Thom Ward on Vimeo.

[via Jezebel]