Doug Hutchinson and Courtney Stodden sex tape

You know those obnoxious acquaintances who give you sex advice even when you desperately don’t want to know that they are partaking in sex? Yes yes, Geoff, I get it; you always use hot sauce as lube, but for the last time, I don’t care how great it makes your balls feel, STFU. Well, Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison* are the celebrity versions of those people, and they are sharing their sex life publicly to extend their already-over 15 minutes help the world collectively orgasm.

For some incomprehensible reason, Stodden and Hutchison have decided to make a sex tape. But not just any sex tape! No, they want to double the fun of Tommy Lee and Pam Anderson‘s, triple the unbelievability of Farrah Abraham‘s and quadruple the horror of Scott Stapp and Kid Rock‘s. How? Well, besides merely existing as they do — you know, as a couple who began when the female was legally a child — they’ll be making it a “tell-all” for couples whose sex lives lack the repugnant quality that Stodden and Hutchison have so masterfully captured for years.

By teaming up with sex specialists Dr. Ava Cadell and Malcolm Day and not a single creative person, the couple are contributing to a video with the inspired title of “Passion and Pleasure.” According to Mirror, the filmed fornication and discussion are “part of an eight week love and sex therapy course that [they are] currently taking with a company that advises couples on all things love, relationships and sex.” Apparently, the “all things” portion does not include “never marrying underage children,” so the rest of the course is presumably awful and incomplete, as well.

The video is reportedly dropping next week, so if you are one of the zero percent of human beings who wants to see it, then…get ready, I guess.

Photo: Josiah True /