Sometimes, it’s easy to forget Courtney Stodden is just 17-years-old: what with going on television to prove her breasts are real, always candidly revealing intimate details of her sex life, landing a reality TV show, mastering Twitter, and (of course) marrying a 51-year-old. So every now and again, it’s nice/painfully disturbing to hear about how she is actually a teenager.

She tells The Fab Life that her “crazy” life is all waking up at noon and making husband Doug Hutchinson pick up after her. You are about to enter an irony-free zone:

“A typical day for me is crazy. Let me tell you. I get up out of bed in the sexiest outfit you’ve ever seen. Hair is done, my makeup’s done. I get up at around 12… 12 o’clock. …PM. I make my mocha. I don’t care about anything else…. Doug is wonderful. He picks up my coffee beans that I spill on the floor. He picks up my foundation.  He picks up my feathers from my big robe that I wear. My high heels are all over. So I have a wonderful life, a wonderful husband. So, a typical day for me, is like, a princess.”

Holy. Shit. She adds:

“There’s fine lines in between what we share and what we teach each other. I’ve turned him on to Maroon 5, train and all the new, you know, awesome artists who are out there.”

It was nice of her to double back and sound like a 51-year-old by suggesting Maroon 5 and train are cool. If you want to see the rest of this deeply off-putting video, suit yourself. However, it’s before noon and therefore a little early to witness Stodden’s trademark Fuck Eyes that she makes (compulsively) at the cameraman.