What isn’t Courtney Stodden too sexy for? First, her outrageous elegance got her into trouble on Facebook, next her business casual tube dress caused a mini-stir and then earlier this week, TheGloss’ beloved 17-year-old child bride got kicked out of a pumpkin patch for being a precious jewel in bootie shorts among stupid, weak-minded children. If you need a summary, please go read Jamie’s take because it it dead-on.

Anyway, Stodden and her husband, Doug Hutchinson–former actor turned 1000 year old ephebophiliac Peter Macnicol–turned up to defend themselves on Dr. Drew‘s show Life Changers. As you can predict, the ghoulish couple had some choice words for all those loser assholes who didn’t appreciate the sight of Stodden’s buttcheeks while trying to pick lame pumpkins with their buzzkill children. Turns out, Stodden is a pumpkin patch princess and those repressed culture warriors need to grow up and get some fucking sophistication.

(Also: try not to stare too hard at Stodden’s shirt because it will end you