"My weakness is bald men: I love to lick their heads."

“My weakness is bald men: I love to lick their heads.”

On Wednesdays, Amanda Chatel will be sharing stories about her strange, fascinating and sometimes wonderful dating life. If it makes you want to date, check out TheGloss dating page.

I’m just going to let MJ take over, because I don’t even now how to lead into this one…

My best friend fixed me up with this tall, bald guy she knew. (My weakness is bald men; I love to lick their heads.) We went to a nice dinner where I found out he was in AA, but he insisted I have wine. Funny; it seemed like my glass never got empty.

Afterward he said he had to stop somewhere. As we pull into an apartment complex, he said if he finds the car he has to repossess, I can drive it. Ummmm wait, what?! Thank God the car wasn’t there.

Next, he invited me to his house to watch a movie. Thinking my best friend would not set me up with a creep, I agreed. I was sitting on the love seat and he was on the couch, a few minutes into the movie he suggested I come lay down with him. I told him I was fine were I was. He said I was being rude and I should do what he says since I was at his house. With that said, I started to think about escape routes.

Luckily my phone rang and it was my guy friend checking to make sure my date was going OK. (Always tell a trusted friend who you are really with and what you are really doing!) By the tone of my voice my buddy new something was wrong. After I got off the phone, I told big bald and scary he had to take me home because my son was sick. He said I was lying, and he knew who really called, “one of my many lovers.” He then told me how my best friend told him all about me, and he knew I see a lot of guys (last I checked that’s what you do when you date.) He agreed to drive me home.

The whole ride he told me what a horrible person I was and a slut for dating more than one guy at a time. When he pulled into my driveway he told me I better not have another guy over, and he would know if I did because he would be watching me. I opened the door before the car even stopped jumped out and ran inside and locked my doors. I called my buddy and told him to get over NOW!

The rest of the night I received hate texts; he also told me things that he had no way of knowing, things only my best friend knew. Needless to say I never went out with him again and stopped speaking to my “best friend.” She confided in another friend that she had me go out with him because she wanted to find out if he had a big penis. I’m happy to say I don’t know. With friends like that who needs enemies.

So maybe I took this opportunity to use a photo of Walter White, so? Don’t you judge me! I don’t judge you (at least not outwardly so.) Judging or not, kid, it’s time for you to step up to the plate and give us the good, the bad… wait, I used that cliche before… you know, the worthy-of-reading shit. Do it. Or else… I don’t know what. But I do have, like, 30 of your email addresses, so that’s a lot of drunk emails you really don’t want: chatel.amanda@gmail.com

Photo: AMC