This is how it could have gone down if it was not for Jamie's inspiration. However, it was the complete opposite of this.

On Wednesdays, Amanda Chatel will be sharing stories about her strange, fascinating and sometimes wonderful dating life. If it makes you want to date, check out TheGloss dating page.

Thanks to my esteemed colleague, Ms. Jamie Peck, I decided I’d give this whole threesome thing another whirl. I also was determined to have fun. Because, well, Jamie said they should be fun! And I like to believe that everything Jamie utters is absolute fact.

My gal pal (I loathe that phrase, but let’s go with it) E and I were wandering around the city last week. We had gone to see a show, had a bit too much to drink then ended up at my apartment — but not before getting pizza and introducing her to Tattoo Guy whom she had never met. E is the type of person who can talk to anyone, while I sort of hang back and scowl because my social skills don’t provide me with the ability to talk to people like a normal person. Outside the tattoo shop, she engaged Tattoo Guy and some equally shady dude with some friendly banter before we headed back to my place to briefly recoup before taking on the Lower East Side.

Immediately after we left the shop I got a text from Tattoo Guy expressing how hot E is and how we should have a threesome. I agreed that yes, E is pretty damn hot, but in no way was I going to jeopardize our friendship by sharing a penis. It just seemed weird. After refueling, we met up with Tattoo Guy to get some drinks at a bar a few blocks away, that also happens to be conveniently situated next to his apartment. My plan was to hang out with the three of them, put E in a cab back to Brooklyn, then go home and reap the benefits that come with having Tattoo Guy in my life. However, things did not got that way.

I explained to E, who (like our beloved Jamie) has more than a few threesomes under her belt, that my tattooed buddy was pushing for a threesome. We both laughed. I mean, come on! We’re ladies! We’re friends! We would not be doing any such thing! It didn’t matter how many texts or times Tattoo Guy pinched my leg under the bar! It wouldn’t be happening. But then we drank some more, and some more; and before I know it, I’m outside giving E a high-five as we agreed that we’d do it just this once. We shared the information with Tattoo Guy, and I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen a human being down a beer, pay a tab and gather up his belongings as fast as he did. Minutes later we were in his apartment, E and I were on the bed kissing and he went to take a shower. By the time, he joined us in the bedroom, we were already naked and ready to go.

And it was fun! It was so much fun! Not only was it because I knew both these people, trusted them, but they’re both fun people in general. E and I could laugh and ask each other what moisturizer we used and where we got our bras, while Tattoo Guy laughed at how girly we were being for inquiring about such things. And since the two of them had already been in more than one threesome before, I was content to be an actor, while they took turns directing. Did I mention it was so much fun?

I was finally able to relax, not feel tense, laugh and just go with it. I thought it would be strange to watch two people I know have sex, but it wasn’t at all. If anything it was hot and really interesting to be that up close and personal to something that I usually just see on the computer screen when I’m bored and trolling for porn.

We fucked around until the sun came up, then tried to sleep for a bit. It clearly wasn’t happening with three people in Tattoo Guy’s bed, so E and I left to sleep in my bed for a bit before she headed back to Brooklyn. Of course since then whenever I go out with Tattoo Guy he wants to know when we’re doing it again so he can “perform” better, as he felt his performance wasn’t up to par, but I keep telling him it was a one time thing.

“She and I high-fived on it, Tattoo Guy,” I keep explaining. “It’s a drunk gal’s pinky swear! It will not be happening again.”

So yeah, I did it and it was great. Although I do have both Tattoo Guy and E to thank, I also have Jamie to thank, too. So dear Jamie, when you get back from your travels, I’m buying you a vegan cupcake and a beer to show my gratitude.

 

Photo: Vulture