We replicated Karl Lagerfeld and have his clone locked in the basement with only one valet. We can’t guarantee that this is exactly what the first Karl would advise, but we think it comes fairly close. Feel free to direct any romantic quandaries to Jennifer[at]thegloss.com or Ashley[at]thegloss.com. Each week, the Kaiser will tackle a new question submitted by you.

And so:


Dear Kaiser,

I heard that you may be launching a book-scented fragrance because you love reading so much. You seem to know a lot about perfume! Anyway, there’s a guy I’m really into and I wanted to know if there’s a fragrance that he’ll absolutely fall for.

Delicate Flower,
Los Angeles


Delicate Flower:

You have to control ze situation and control ze finishing part of ze outfit. Finishing ze outfit is important to ze fragrance, vhich is ze important part of ze woman. Now, it is more zhan what ze woman does on top of ze outfit, because it is also ze future, because ze woman walks into ze scent, she walks forward, and zhat is how ze scent is ze future. In zhis way, fragrance is both ze future and about control, so it is very important to ze woman and how she looks and how she walks down ze street.

Ze kind of scent is also very important. She cannot have ze heavy scent that drags her down and limits her humanity. She must walk into ze scent, walk into ze cloud, zhis way ze scent is important because ze woman must always be moving forward. The scent must also smell like, like l’avenir, ze scent must smell like stars are above in ze sky, in order to be truly seductive. In zhis way, Chanel fragrances are ze best for attracting men, for attracting women, children, bears, even cosmonautes.

If you want to be seductive, zhere are many, many fragrances to choose from. Ze best in zhis way are obviously, Coco, Coco Mademoiselle, and Chance. I also sometimes like N°5, Bleu de Chanel, sometimes again Coco. Zhese are ze best fragrances to be like ze future and to be always in control. Also it is best if ze woman looks like Keira Knightley, in order to be seductive and to be always on ze motorbike and always wearing ze catsuit. For myself, zhis is ze best answer.