Is this real?

Because man’s existential agony is bottomless, the world will always be obsessed with penises and their various sizes. Though some would be happy to leave it at that cold comfort “motion of the ocean” what have you, plenty more would like to be validated and further encouraged to store boxes of Magnums in aggressively conspicuous places around their college dormitories.

Anyway, does size matter? Yes. Kind of. Especially when it does, though sometimes also when it doesn’t… these are the findings of the latest, extremely helpful headline-baiting study about dicks:

A new study finds that women who have frequent vaginal orgasms are more likely than other women to say they climax more easily with men with larger penises. Women who tend to prefer penile-vaginal intercourse over other types of sex also say the same, researchers reported online Sept. 24 in The Journal of Sexual Medicine. “Male anxiety about penis size may not reflect internalized, culturally arbitrary masculine stereotypes, but an accurate appreciation that size matters to many women — just as men feel legitimate anxiety when they enter the mating market about their intelligence, personality traits, sense of humor, social status, height, wealth, and other traits known to be favored by women across cultures,” study researcher Stuart Brody, a psychologist at the University of the West of Scotland, told LiveScience.

As for how they discovered whether or not size mattered definifively, the study went like this:

Brody and his colleagues asked 323 women, mostly Scottish university students, to recall past sexual encounters. They were asked about their recent sexual behaviors as well as how important penile-vaginal intercourse and other sex acts were to them. They were also asked whether penis length influenced their ability to orgasm with vaginal stimulation. Defining “average” as the length of a 20-pound banknote or U.S. dollar bill, which are 5.8 inches (14.9 cm) and 6.1 inches (15.5 cm) long, respectively, the researchers asked women if they were more likely to orgasm vaginally with a longer-than-average or shorter-than-average penis.

They found that 160 of the women experienced vaginal-only orgasms and had enough sexual partners to compare size experiences. Of these, 33.8 percent preferred longer-than-average penises, 60 percent said size made no difference and 6.3 percent said longer was less pleasurable than shorter.

Of course, some intrepid researchers are quick to point out that sex, for a lot of people, isn’t just PIVMO. Some women like to have orgasms different ways! Some men like to give them orgasms with things other than their penises! But what of length, girth and vanity, then?

“There’s such variability in preference,” said Barry Komisaruk, who researches female sexual response at Rutgers University. Women who orgasm through vaginal stimulation may indeed prefer longer penises, Komisaruk told LiveScience, but not everyone prefers to orgasm that way. “There are so many different factors,” said Komisaruk, who was not involved in Brody’s study. “Once it gets to the kind of specifics that they’re talking about, I get wary.”

Cool. So it matters. Sometimes. But not really, but absolutely.

Because different people have different kinds of sex.

We would much rather science devote its valuable time to calming everyone the fuck down.

(NBC)