Do you like having safe sex, but wish there were a way to make it more elitist and and expensive? You’re in luck, because a brand called Naked has decided to sell condoms for $56 a pack, or roughly $5 each.
That’s right, you can now judge your potential sugar daddy not just on his apartment, clothes, and haircut, but also on what type of label festoons the box of rubbers he’s purchased. Via The New York Post:
Naked’s target consumers are, in the words of CEO Jud Ireland, “edgy, hip, and rich” men and women.
Think hedge-funders and fashionistas who meet over cocktails at the Soho House in New York, which not coincidentally is one of the places where Naked condoms are sold.
When Ireland is asked why people should buy Naked condoms over Trojans, he hands the phone to his sister, Marie, who responds on cue, “Because I’d rather have sex with someone who has a Naked condom than a Trojan. The guy looks better, I think.”
And by “looks better,” she of course means, “looks better equipped to help me realize my dream of rolling around naked in piles of money.” I think they also have a fundamental misunderstanding of the word “edgy.” “Edgy” is barebacking it with a mysterious midget while simultaneously smoking crack in the back of one of Stefon’s fantasy clubs. While it’s an extremely important thing to practice, I don’t know if there’s any way to make safe sex “edgy.” Certainly not brittle, missionary style, Soho House-going, rich person safe sex. Ugh.
Anyway, they say the condoms are also noticeably thinner and more fancily-lubed than the regular kind, which I will believe when I see. If Naked sends me a package and I am proven wrong, I will totally drink this whole bottle of (cheap) lube I have sitting here on my desk. Otherwise, I’m calling bullshit on this as just another way to sell a widely available, inexpensive thing for many times its real price by slapping some luxury marketing on it.