facebook couples page

I want to vomit. I’m not even alone in this. Couples Facebook pages make reporters at The Telegraph want to vomit, too. But WHY do I want to vomit?

Probably in part because I hate anything that is cute. Probably partly because of that.

And, I guess it’s because I believe you are still individual identities, even when you’re in a relationship. You’re perfectly capable of sharing pictures of yourself and your partner without needing to combine your entire identities onto one page. I don’t view this as necessary to begin with. Basically, I do not think that being a couple turns you into a stick figure with a hybrid thought process (perhaps because, terrifyingly, your brain has become a heart). I don’t think that’s science.

And I guess I also don’t want a record of my relationship compiled and recorded by Facebook executives. Really. That seems like a terrible idea. I mean, it’s terrible enough just saying you’re in a relationship with someone on Facebook because all your friends know the minute you break-up – when you break up, where does the Facebook couple’s page go? That is going to be like a knife right in your heart-brain.

Although, maybe you do not hate it as much as I do, because your heart is large and pink, like a watermelon, and not tiny and shriveled and dark like a very delicious raisinette. If that’s the case, and you’re in a relationship, good news! A couples Facebook page has already been created for you. To check it out, visit www.facebook.com/us . I am going to be off in the corner of the Internet, attempting to keep my heart inside my chest, where it functions best.

Picture via Facebook