Since losing my virginity at the age of eighteen, I’ve had my fair share of sexual partners. In fact, I actually have a goal to make sure my number of partners never exceeds my age; so far I’m doing an okay job at keeping that in check. Of all those flings, one-night stands, relationships, and hook-ups, I have given blowjobs to (and I’m not so great with math) less than 20% of them. More specifically, I can name all the men on whom I’ve performed the act, their last names, too! I know their birthdays and they’ve probably even met my parents… as for those I’ve fucked, those details get a lil’ hazy.

While sex is definitely intimate to a degree – it is the closest two people can physically be after all – for me, oral sex is far more intimate. To quote a friend: “well, yeah, because you’ve got cock and balls all up in your face.” True, but it’s more than that. There’s a matter of trust, of being completely comfortable and vulnerable all at once. It’s difficult, too. I’m not sure many men really think about the fact that you have your mouth open, sometimes to its widest point while someone is penetrating it, thrusting their hips in and out until they come… and then there’s a whole mouthful of a substance that, honestly, isn’t too far from the consistency of snot. And it’s not like it’s the best tasting stuff in the world, either. I’m not complaining, I’m just stating the facts.

I love giving head. If I’m smitten, I’d go so far as to say sometimes I’d rather give a blowjob than have sex. I love the idea of it, I love the sensation in my mouth, and I love the slight moans it produces from the person I’m, well, blowing. I’m pretty sure I could give a blowjob everyday under the right circumstances. Yes, even when I get married, and the sex part dies, you better believe I’ll still be on my knees begging my husband to let me give him a blowjob.

I’m not saying that I need to be in love, or even be in a relationship to do it. In fact, of those few that I have given head to, I was only in love with one of them. As for the others, they were men that I adored completely and passionately, people who made a lasting impression on my life and heart, but the “in love” factor was just never in the cards.

I feel the same way about cunnilingus. There’s no way I want someone’s mouth down “there” if there isn’t a level of intimacy in our relationship – a closeness, the ability to be completely at ease with the other person. I can’t even imagine how awkward it would be to lay there, legs spread eagle while someone I barely knows licks and laps away at the most personal part of my body. Even the thought of it makes me cringe; it wouldn’t feel good at all, I don’t care how skilled a tongue they might have.

When the topic of oral sex is brought up during sex, I politely explain: “no, I don’t do that.” I don’t apologize or make excuses; it’s simply “no, that’s not on the menu tonight, and depending on where this goes, maybe never.” I’ve actually dated people for months, and never done it, because the connection and level of comfortableness was just never reached. And if I’m not going down, he isn’t either. I’d rather be tied up, spanked, fucked in the ass than fumble around with oral sex – I guess, to me, it’s the last sacred thing you can do in the bedroom and something that I don’t take lightly.

I have friends who disagree on the matter, who would rather go down on a guy than have sex, as if they’re sort of saving themselves until the very last second to hand over the goods. Not me. Yes, I gave a blowjob before I lost my virginity because that was what my high school boyfriend wanted, but when I got older and became more aware of who I was and my sexuality, I put blowjobs in their own special section in the line-up of sex acts. And I firmly believe they deserve that special section, they’re too much fun to be thrown in with everything else.

So for me, I’ll keep blowjobs on a pedestal. Some things deserve such a place, and I can’t think of anything else that would look so pretty high up there, shining down on everything else… kinda like a star. Yes, to me, blowjobs are like stars.