Ladies, if you want to find out how well-hung a new male paramour is without having to fuck him, there is good news: you may need only measure the length of his index finger, and the length of his ring finger.

A new study published in the Asian Journal of Andrology examined the connection between the length of the two fingers, also known as the digit ratio, and the length of the penis. Researchers found that men with a lower digit ratio — in other words, with index fingers that were shorter than their ring fingers — are likely to have a longer penis.

Scientifically, this is supposedly an interesting finding because it may help to determine how much testosterone a baby was exposed to in the womb. Other studies have also shown that the digit ratio may have something to with a man’s risk of developing prostate cancer.

But I wonder about all that, and whether that was reeaaalllly the impetus for this study. After all, there are other ways to tell if a man is at risk for developing prostate cancer — like, say, regular checkups, family history and lifestyle, and testosterone levels are not difficult to measure, if that’s what you’re after.

So why, then, are researchers spending time figuring out how to get a good idea of how long a guy’s dick is? Is that the province of science? Will that lead to a healthier world? Or is it just because of a lingering fascination with dicks?

Listen, I am as big a believer in science and freedom of information as the next liberal heathen. But I also think that as a society, we should be a little more discerning about the research that we ingest, and ask why it’s being done, what purpose it serves and whether it needs to be propagated.

It might not be so pressing if there weren’t other major medical concerns in the world to worry about, like AIDS, cancer, heart disease, maternal health, childrens’ health, diphtheria, malaria, whooping cough, and so on.

Maybe I’m overreacting here, but by comparison, it just seems like measuring penis size is…well, a bad use of science’s time.