Young people of America: you have internet porn, you have MTV’s “Skins,” and you have increasing numbers of dual income families, meaning that you have plenty of unsupervised time at home. And yet, we get this report that claims that young people between the ages of 15 and 24 are having less sex than ever?! For shame.

According to the Daily Breeze:

“The study, released Thursday, is based on interviews of about 5,300 young people, ages 15 to 24. It shows the proportion in that age group who said they’d never had oral, vaginal or anal sex rose in the past decade from 22 percent to about 28 percent.”

Of course, the usual theories abound: the decline is because of abstinence education, or maybe it’s because of comprehensive sex education. It’s because young people are scared and ignorant, or because they’re better informed.

The one new theory proposed in this article is a curious one, which is that teens and young adults are too busy to have sex:

“‘It’s not even on my radar,’ said 17-year-old Abbey King of Hinsdale, Ill., a competitive swimmer who starts her day at 5 a.m. and falls into bed at 10:30 p.m. after swimming, school, weight lifting, running, more swimming, homework and a volunteer gig working with service dogs for the disabled.”

I’m going to go ahead and challenge that theory, as someone who was once a teen (and then in my early 20’s) — if you’re that age and you want to have sex, you can always find the time*.

I mean, maybe these findings are a good thing, since apparently no one uses condoms anymore. I don’t know. All I know is that now, I can officially not relate to today’s youth.

*I’ll tell you when you don’t have time — when you both work until 8:00 p.m. and you’re planning a wedding, and you have a dog, and then eventually you have a baby, and you keep working, and then you’re suddenly 45. That’s when you don’t have time; when 15 years goes by and you don’t even realize it. So quit yer whining, kiddos!!