Here are a few helpful hints for making any first date one you’ll both never forget, regardless of age, sexual orientation, or income. Have fun with it!
- Try to guess how much money your date makes in a year. Start by guessing how much the clothes they’re wearing cost, then how expensive their car was. Keep smiling the entire time. “Is it $40,000? $38,000?” Pick a number in your head – any number – and if the actual amount is higher or lower by even a dollar, leave.
- Drink as much milk as you can in ten minutes before meeting up, then ask them to pick an offbeat, creative place for you to throw up in. Throw up in an art gallery! Throw up on a playground! Throw up at a croquet field!
- Have a crying contest! Don’t tell them it’s a contest, though – that would be cheating!
- Bake something together. Don’t let them have any. Ask them if they have any more food you can take home to eat later.
- When your date goes to the bathroom, take the opportunity to go through their phone and call their mother. Tell her you love her.
- Take them on a picnic – everyone loves eating outside. Carefully but thoroughly smear whatever skin your date has left uncovered with whatever food you’ve brought along. Ask them to choke you. Not sexually or anything, just a light choking. Ask if you can choke them. Laugh. Laugh harder. Laugh much more softly, now. Don’t break eye contact.
- Talk about your sexual fantasies. Ask them, “Have you ever seen Grey Gardens?”
- Go ice skating together. Talk about death. Don’t let them change the subject or skate faster than you.
[Image via Flickr]