You're such a gentleman!

We live in this really fucked up world where people have decided that they absolutely must “friend” everyone on Facebook they’ve ever met. If you’re in Starbucks and two people order the same drink? Friend me! Bump into someone on the subway and instead of verbally ripping you a new one, they smile? Friend me! We just had sex on top of the roof of my friend’s apartment building and I don’t even know your name? Well, friend me, dude. FRIEND ME.

Why do we feel the need to “friend” everyone? Yes, you briefly had a moment over the color cobalt blue in J.Crew this morning, your cousin used to know your boss who has since moved to Phnom Penh, and last night you were given some mind-blowing orgasms by some hot bartender that you probably could have done on your own with a battery operated “buddy” and a Ryan Gosling movie, but hey! You didn’t have to do it solo style, the fella was there, you moaned, he moaned and climaxes were had… so let’s be Facebook friends!


Before Facebook, a one-night stand was a one-night stand. You either never saw the person again, or if you did, you went for round two, then either hoped your paths would cross once more or you’d just move to a different state to avoid any impending awkwardness. It was all very easy. But Facebook has taken that away.

If you go to bed with someone, and somewhere along the line in the evening you drop your name, then by noon the following day, you have a Facebook request from them. Do we do this because we want more from them? Or because we want to know more about them?

Do you know how scaring it is to have amazing sex, “friend” that person on Facebook only to realize they’ve never, ever read a book? I do. It’s not pretty, it’s not cute and it’s something that my friends continue to bring up on a weekly basis. This was as fact I could have avoided if I had not decided to “friend” certain one-night stands on Facebook.

So after your next romp with a stranger, consider all possibilities before you either send or accept a Facebook friend request. You’re not required to do so, there is no obligation just because you fucked, so don’t think that ignoring it makes you rude. Fifteen years ago this wouldn’t be an issue; fifteen years ago it was all free-wheelin’ fun before social media went and fucked up anonymity.

But should you decide to friend that one-night stand, here is some of what you can expect.