Yesterday, we told you which thoughts you should probably keep to yourself after a one-night stand.

But given that, there are also few things you actually should consider saying. There is, after all, a classy way to get out of a one-night stand, and then there’s a way that will leave you regaling your friends with the horror of your own idiocy over brunch, joining their hysterics, then going home and breaking down into tears as you convince yourself that you’re completely unlovable because you will never be able to control what comes out of your mouth.

Well, we think you deserve one-night stands that end with dignity, so here are some suggestions about what you should say as those ‘stands come to their natural conclusion. They are accompanied by stage directions: