game-of-thrones-okcupid

Holy crap, Game of Thrones is coming back this Sunday night! In case you weren’t excited enough (how can you not be excited enough?), we thought we’d delve into the lives of our heroes–their love lives, to be specific. We wondered how Jon Snow, Daenerys Targaryen, Joffrey Baratheon, Cersei Lannister, Tyrion Lannister, and even Hodor would do if faced with our dating standards of today, and so naturally we made them OKCupid accounts.

Let’s see how they did in the world of online dating, shall we?

Jon Snow

jon snow okcupidMy self-summary

I’m a pretty serious dude just trying to live my life and figure things out. I might be having a quarter life crisis–want to join me?

What I’m doing with my life

I joined the Night’s Watch last year and am trying to get my life on track. Heading home!

I’m really good at

Tongue stuff. No, really good.

The first things people usually notice about me

My cloak and crippling sense of duty.

I spend a lot of time thinking about

Finding my birth mother. I’m making a documentary about it–Kickstarter is in the works.

You should message me if

You’re cool with keeping things between us.

Jon’s favorite suitor:

jon snow okcupid messages game of thrones

Daenerys Targaryen

Daenerys Targaryen online dating

My self-summary

Single mother on a quest to avenge my family name. Looking for someone who can keep up and won’t hold me back while I figure my life out.

I’m really good at

Being decisive. If a hard decision needs to be made, I’ll do it and live with the consequences. I also love to bake.

The first things people usually notice about me

Apparently my hair doesn’t match my eyebrows. My army also has been known to turn heads.

I spend a lot of time thinking about

Revenge. Bloodlines. What has been taken from me. What I will take back.

You should message me if

You aren’t intimidated by power, my children, and are okay with keeping things casual.

Daenerys’ most promising suitors:

daenerys online dating

game of thrones dating

game of thrones ok cupid

More than one person asked to meet up with Daenerys IRL, so, that was a win.

Hodor

hodor game of thrones online dating

My self-summary

HODOR

What I’m doing with my life

HODOR

I’m really good at

HODOR

The first thing people notice about me

HODOR

Favorite books, movies, food, music

HODOR

The six things I could never do without

HODOR

I spend a lot of time thinking about

HODOR

On a typical Friday night I am

HODOR

The most private thing I’m willing to admit

HODOR

You should message me

HODOR

The person who really “got” Hodor:

hodor-okcupid

Cersei Lannister

cersei lannister okcupid

My self-summary

Family is everything.

What I’m doing with my life

Holding the world together with a shoe string and keeping the enemy at bay. Struggling to find a different life, without incompetent people holding me back.

The first thing people notice about me

Everyone kneels when I enter a room and stays that way until I tell them to stand.

The six things I could never do without

Power. Everything else is incidental, but I wouldn’t turn down a good glass of wine.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit

You couldn’t possibly even imagine.

You should message me

I do enjoy blonds.

Cersei’s prospects:

cersei online dating cersei legit person game of thrones okcupid cersei lannister

 

Cersei was the most viewed profile, by far.

Tyrion Lannister

tyrion lannister game of thrones

My self-summary

I’m funny and underrated.

What I’m doing with my life

I think for a living.

I’m really good at

Lightening the mood, strategic thinking, partying.

The first thing people notice about me

How I measure up.

Favorite books, movies, food, music

I guarantee I’ve read more books than you.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit

I’m technically married.

You should message me

You’re openminded.

And here’s a smatter of the proclamation of thought messages that Tyrion sent, that were never responded to.

tyrion ok cupid tyrion ok cupid 2 tyrion okcupid online dating tyrion okay cupid game of thronesHe’s not great at this.

Joffrey Baratheon

joffrey online dating

My self-summary

Ruler of the seven kingdoms. Bow down, bitches.

What I’m doing with my life

Partying, ruling, hunting, living life to the fullest. I’ve got a fucking fantastic life and I’m not going to water it down for you.

I’m really good at

Crossbow.

The first thing people notice about me

My crown.

The six things I could never do without

You couldn’t do without me. I will never have to go without.

You should message me

Speak when spoken to.

…and the women who threw themselves at Joffrey?

Even on OKCupid, that little shit struck out.

Photos: Game of Thrones, HBO, OKCupid