erotic game of thronesGame of Thrones is coming back, perverts. Personally, I could not be more excited because watching HBO’s erotic fantasy is the closest I get to deliberately viewing hardcore pornography. Bring on the doggie style sex scenes, the dude on dude action, and all those boobies!

If you’re a sicko like me who watches Game of Thrones for the sexy stuff (and also the story lines, strong female characters, beautiful costumes and whatnot) then Sunday cannot come soon enough. Some of us have been able to wait a year to get our onscreen magical mojo back, but others have taken to the internet to write their own erotic Game of Thrones scenes in order to get their fix. Sexual fan fiction is um…imaginative? You would not believe some of the odd pairings and disturbing situations people conjure up and publish online. So I’ll show you. I’m warning you now, this stuff is beyond weird.

Here are a few absurdly silly and often very graphic erotic fan fictions based on your favorite Game of Thrones characters:

1. Daenerys Targaryen and Doreah

“She took Daenerys’ hand and placed it over her clit, separating two fingers from the rest and pushing them down onto the nub, moving them for her. Daenerys’ back arched and she pushed herself deeper into her hand, crying out when Doreah’s hand left hers.”

Taught by agirlnamedtruth

This pairing, as well as Jon Snow all up on Rob Stark, seems to be the most popular among fan fiction writers.

2. Jon Snow and Theon Greyjoy

“Jon released Theon’s cock from his mouth and looked up at him, grinning.”

Corrupting Jon Snow by Heloisa

Sometimes one thing leads to another and a bastard blows his father’s captive? Creative!

3. Arya Stark and Gendry

“Arya trembled as Gendry pulled her nightdress over her head, leaving her only in her smallclothes, her long, dark hair tumbling over her shoulders. As he laid her back against his pillow, Arya watched with wide eyes as he stripped down to his skin; she had seen men undressed before but never like this. When he hooked his fingers into the band of her smallclothes, Arya felt nervousness and fear flicker through her, and Gendry froze.”

Five Times Arya Stark Shared A Bed With Gendry by Lit_chick08

Arya is a child. Disturbing,

4. Sansa Stark and Sandor

“The contact of her fingers against her slippery, aching flesh felt so good it ripped a startled moan out of her chest. She started to rub in slow circles, instinctively sating the needs of her body. The pleasure crept higher and higher until she was undulating against Sandor’s cloak and whining low in her throat. She tossed her head to the side and took another deep breath of Sandor’s scent.”

Sansa Interrupted by Andromeda964 

Sansa is a teenager. Also horrifyng.

5. Joffrey Baratheon and Gendry

“Gendry stood and removed his camouflage pants to reveal the full, hard, length of himself. Joffrey grinned, reaching forward to stroke him with long slender fingers, resting his head on Gendry’s shoulder gently kissing his neck. For a brief, glancing moment Joffrey was in control varying the speed and pressure he attended to Gendry who let out an unrestrained moan.”

Love Me When I’m Gone by Konfessor2U

The camouflage pants are the weirdest part.

Photos: WiffleGif