Oh, God, this isn’t true, right? I don’t understand why the Haitian earthquake happened!

That said,

“When God closes a door her opens a window.”
“You realize that’s a smaller opening, right? You used to be able to walk out the front door and now you have to climb out some slightly ajar window, possibly falling five stories to your death. That is not an upgrade.”

This is everything I have ever wanted to say about that homily. – Buzzfeed