What Is Your Best Breakup Advice? I'm Asking For A Friend

Yesterday, my partner and I broke up. Yeah yeah, I know: first world problems.

At some point, I’ll likely write about this again because right now, it is very fresh in my brain so most of what will come out will just be sad, desperate, cliche metaphors that pour like Syracuse in April (see? Awful!). I briefly contemplated trying to make light of it in all the regular BuzzFeed/Upworthy ways:

  • 10 Things So Wrong With Me, I’ll Be Alone Forever
  • You’ll Never Believe How Disgusting My Contacts Look After I Cried For 4 Hours
  • The Definitive Ranking Of Cry Faces, According To My Cry Face
  • He Texted Me Something Adorable, But Then This Happened & Changed It All
  • 25 GIFs Of All Our Mementos Being Thrown Out Last Night

There is a special brand of deep, sick pain that comes from a breakup. Sure, I’ve been in more physically painful, frightening situations, but that doesn’t mean my insides don’t currently feel like someone’s poured rum on them and lit a match. (Again with the awful metaphors, Sam!) I can’t eat, I woke up at 5 in the morning, I cried to my mom on the phone all night and all morning.

So, y’know, things will get better and I realize that, but they just really, really suck right now. And while I understand that only time will make that feeling subside, I do want to either numb it as much as possible or speed it up or something. And that’s where you nice folks come in!

Tell me your best breakup advice. I am fortunately not the type of person who lurks exes on Facebook/social media, but other than that, I am admittedly stumped on anything that really helps. I feel like an idiot asking this, though, so please be gentle with me.