lichtenstein phone

Are you ready to test your lady-smarts? True-false “is this a good idea” quiz time. Okay, let’s rock and roll.

1) I should threaten to burn myself with a cigarette: T/F

2) I should call him to let him know that I am giving him the silent treatment like that girl in that ad. T/F

3) Call him and say “where are you? I haven’t heard from you in a while! I just want an explanation!” Let your voice crack a little bit. T/F

4) Just call every five minutes, like this dude. T/F

elf will ferrell phone

5) Witchcraft spells you found on the internet. They always work! T/F

6) Send naked photos! That will make him notice you, and nothing bad will come out of sending badly lit nude shots in a moment of desperation! T/F

7) Just call him crying. Just bawling your eyes out. Feelings are the best! Everyone loves feelings! T/F

8) Leave a really cool passive aggressive in control message along the lines of “if you aren’t interested in this the way I am then I think we should just break up.” T/F

9) Sit outside his house/workplace for hours so you’ll just happen to run into him and he’ll remember you exist! This will only work if you buy a new dress you cannot afford. Then say “haven’t heard from you in a while, I just want an explanation.” T/F

10) Try to keep any initial messages or texts to him upbeat and not crazy seeming, as you would likely hate to be contacted by a crazy person. Do this even when you feel crazy.  They say that men don’t deal well with overly emotional people, but if a guy called you up shouting “why haven’t you called me back!?” you would probably break up with him immediately/lie and tell him everything was fine, and try to distance yourself as much as possible. T/F

11) Just don’t text or call. Let them inititate contact. Problem solved. T/F

12) Generally let him call you, so if you do call, he knows it’s something pretty significant/awesome. T/F

13) When you talk, make it clear that you’re busy and have a lot of good stuff going on. He knows that you’re not waiting to hear from him, so there’s no pressure, and he won’t feel like he’s going to somehow be in trouble if he doesn’t call. T/F

14) If you call once and he doesn’t call back, you stop calling. He knows you exist and are interested. If he wants to call you back, he will. If he doesn’t, you will let yourself feel sad and angry for a while, but then you’ll remember that it would be awful to be with someone who was not as interested in you as you are in them. T/F

Turn the page for the results!:

Quiz results: ALL OF THE ANSWERS THAT ARE FUCKING CRAZY ARE FUCKING CRAZY. STOP BEING CRAZY. THEY ARE FALSE. THEY ARE FALSE ANSWERS. THEY ARE NOT GOOD IDEAS FOR YOUR SANITY. LADY, BE SANE.

Meanwhile, answers 10-14 have all been used really effectively by girls at TheGloss office. We’re not saying that’s great, because, game playing, but, in our limited experience, going about your life and seeming cool is pretty effective. If we were going to offer any advice on this, I guess we’d say don’t worry too much about a man calling, or if that’s unmanageable, don’t let him know how much you worry about it. Because if you give men enough time, they generally do call, if they were worthwhile people at all.

Answer 4 was kind of a trick question, because that would be amazing. Call you in 3 minutes!