So I totally just had me some of that hurricane sex that everyone’s been talking about. Or rather, I had it earlier today and am just now returning from the magical, orgasmic dream-world it brought me to. What was it like? Did Mother Nature enter me? Am I now pregnant with a smoke monster? All of your burning hurricane sex questions, answered after the jump.
Q: Who did you have hurricane sex with?
A: Hurricane Boyfriend, formerly known as simply “my boyfriend.”
Q: What was it like?
A: Majestic and powerful. It’s hard to put it into words for someone who’s never experienced it, but let’s just say I felt Gaia enter me in ways typically only available to Wiccans and lesbians.
Q: What did Hurricane Boyfriend say to get you in the mood?
A: “The power’s still on in my pants.”
Q: Are you pregnant with a wendigo?
A: I’m fairly certain I’m not with child, as I am currently on the pill. But it’s impossible to be totally sure when elemental nature spirits are involved, as most birth control pills are designed with human reproductive organs in mind.
Q: How many times did you cum?
A: One very thrilling time, during which Hurricane Boyfriend, Gaia, Neptune, and I all achieved simultaneous orgasm.
Q: What are you going to do now?
A: Eat some pizza and catch up on Boardwalk Empire, probably.
Please post any additional questions you may have in the comments.
Photo: National Geographic