So I totally just had me some of that hurricane sex that everyone’s been talking about. Or rather, I had it earlier today and am just now returning from the magical, orgasmic dream-world it brought me to. What was it like? Did Mother Nature enter me? Am I now pregnant with a smoke monster? All of your burning hurricane sex questions, answered after the jump.

Q: Who did you have hurricane sex with?

A: Hurricane Boyfriend, formerly known as simply “my boyfriend.”

Q: What was it like?

A: Majestic and powerful. It’s hard to put it into words for someone who’s never experienced it, but let’s just say I felt Gaia enter me in ways typically only available to Wiccans and lesbians.

Q: What did Hurricane Boyfriend say to get you in the mood?

A: “The power’s still on in my pants.”

Q: Are you pregnant with a wendigo?

A: I’m fairly certain I’m not with child, as I am currently on the pill. But it’s impossible to be totally sure when elemental nature spirits are involved, as most birth control pills are designed with human reproductive organs in mind.

Q: How many times did you cum?

A: One very thrilling time, during which Hurricane Boyfriend, Gaia, Neptune, and I all achieved simultaneous orgasm.

Q: What are you going to do now?

A: Eat some pizza and catch up on Boardwalk Empire, probably.

Please post any additional questions you may have in the comments.

Photo: National Geographic