The Daily Mail has an article today called “Why can’t husbands see when wives stop loving them?” So I stopped and laughed for a good five minutes. That’s absurd. But The Daily Mails explains that today is the most popular day to divorce your husband and that men have NO IDEA why you don’t love them anymore. Specifically:

The first time Martin knew his marriage was in trouble was when his wife of 18 years, and the mother of his two children, dropped a bombshell.


‘She bluntly told me that she didn’t love me any more, that she felt no connection to me and wondered if she ever had,’ he says.


In that instant, Martin felt his wife Katie, 48, was taking away his entire future. ‘She said she was being stifled, though she couldn’t explain why. She had no idea what she wanted — all she knew was that she didn’t want me.’


The 50-year-old businessman from Maidstone, Kent, had no idea any of this was coming.

I’ve been thinking about reasons this might be true.

1) Husbands are unable to see anything, for they live in a world of darkness, and also, muteness. And they cannot touch. They open their mouths, but no words emerge. The skies are aflame with sorrow.

the scream

2) Husbands eyeballs have been plucked out of their heads, mostly by women. Sometimes by terrible vengeful birds. This is why we sometimes refer to women as “chicks.”

3) England is a weird place

4) Women are crazy, like ferrets, and, though adorable, they could turn on you at any moment. Ferrets all hate you.

5) Men all have eyes that pop out of their heads, like in Beetlejuice, although it is considered in poor form to demonstrate this in public. Husbands do this is private all too often now.

6) Husbands are perhaps not paying attention to the signs.

7) But no, really, I think the answer is supposed to be 4.

Picture via Wikipedia