You know results are legit when they come from an app. This is just how things are in this day and age, so everything you’re about to read is obviously fact.

An app by the name of Kloof, took a survey of 1,000 users to see just how they viewed members of the opposite sex when it came to the dogs they own. While the bigger the dog, the higher on the scale of desire their owners fell, it was the Chihuahua that sort of fucked things up for women. It seems men, or rather the men who participated in this particular survey, view women who have these dogs as “dumb” and more “one-night stand” material than a long-term thing (but don’t worry, at least they think you’re “hot,” too.) In other words, men want a Marilyn for the night, but since she’s so dumb, they’d rather marry a Jackie who probably owns a Golden Retriever and sings Puccini in her sleep. Those are obvious traits of smart women who won’t go home with a fella they just met at the bar. At least this is what I’m gathering based on this scientifically accurate survey and what my prudish friends with an IQ above 180 do.

But how did it come to this? Where along the line did men decide that owning those yappy little, bag-bound dogs could possibly mean that the women who have them aren’t exactly up to par mentally or relationship wise? Is it possible that we could place all the blame on Paris Hilton? The first time I heard Hilton utter the phrase, “that’s hot,” I knew it could be the beginning of the downfall of humanity, but this is ridiculous! How could one woman do this to the world? Do we blame her, or do we blame the pre-conceived notions about women and Chihuahuas on the fact that deep down every fella wants to bed Hilton? Say it ain’t so, fellas!

Confusion and screaming out my window condemning society aside, I’m now considering purchasing a Chihuahua. I’ve yet to decide if I’d like to prove men wrong, or maybe I’d just like to have more one-night stands and less relationships. My obvious rational debate regarding this will take far more time to resolve, so any photos of Jimmy (yes, my Chihuahua will be named Jimmy) are still several weeks away. I even have a new pink bag I can put my li’l dog in so I can truly fulfill my dreams of being a stereotype. For once, I feel like everything is falling into place. I never knew who Puccini was anyway.


Photo: Celebrity Chihuahuas