If there’s one thing ladymags have taught us, it’s that if you want to be a girlfriend–that’s just a wife without a ring!!–you need to get the approval of “the guys,” that nebulous crew of football-loving, beer-swilling, Halo-playing, Will Ferrell-quoting, broad-chested pals He has. The ladymag advice always amounts to, “memorize some kind of sports statistics” and “suppress yourself.” As much as possible. But we think there’s a more direct route to that ring. Why not just eliminate his friends altogether? Why not just make them disappear? Today’s Illustrated Guide will teach how to get rid of his friends and all their pesky influence.