What I’m gathering from both friends and the Internets is that August is Anal Sex Month. This of course means you need to run to the closest sex shop in your town to load up on butt plugs, anal beads and obviously buckets and buckets of lube so you can sit down again when September finally arrives. It’s practically a month-long holiday, so to go along your life without participating at least once is wrong. It is your obligation to engage in all holidays that have ever been created or the earth will cease to spin on its axis and off into the universe we will all fly.

Mock ads and mock history tell us that Anal Sex Month has been around since 1927! The “concept” was started so women could keep their virginity in place without totally being prudes. Who the hell wants you if you have a broken hymen? NO ONE. So if you want to get your fella off then bend over and spread your bum cheeks instead, ladies. “Give in to Haste and Remain Chaste!”

If you’ve never tried butt sex, but have always wanted to then maybe Anal Sex Month is the perfect time to do so. It may be taboo in some circles and condemned by a lot of religions, but if it’s going to give you a pleasure you’ve never known, you’re a fool to not try it at least once. Granted, you may try it and hate it, but the point is you’ll never know until you do it.

 

Photo: DailyProbe

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