http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EU20JnsYiXc

I’ve never had much of an opinion either way about Jenna Mourey (commonly known as Jenna Marbles), prominent YouTuber and popular Internet personality. Sometimes I find her funny; other times I find her Western-NY-accented rants a little annoying (to be fair, that’s mostly because I grew up in Upstate New York, too, and simply hate the dialect). Overall, I think she’s attractive, amusing and oftentimes intelligent, so I had zero qualms with her up until yesterday.

However, a friendly reader directed me towards Marbles’ YouTube channel to see a video titled, “Things I Don’t Understand About Girls Part 2: Slut Edition.” Right off the bat, it was fairly obvious that this would consist of gross generalizations regarding female behavior and sexuality. Nevertheless, I watched the video, and ten minutes I’ll never get back later…

…oh look, I was totally right.

According to Marbles, here are the vague guidelines with which she sets up her video:

“A slut is someone who has a looot of casual sex. And unfortunately I can’t completely define ‘a lot’ because it’s different in different people’s minds. Think about the people that you know in your head. It’s not that girl that’s sort of like, ‘Ohhh, she’s just confused,’ and it’s not that girl that’s, ‘Ohhh, you know, she’s just doing whatever.’ It’s the girl that you’re like, ‘Yeah, yeah, she’s a slut.’ Yeah, that girl. Those are the group of people that I’m talking about.”

Okay, so lemme get this straight: a slut, by Marbles’ definition, is not somebody who is fucking people because she’s “confused” (about what? dicks?) and it’s not women who are, uh, “doing whatever.” It’s just people whom you emphatically label sluts?

This isn’t going to be even the least bit rational, is it?

She goes on to inform you of her belief that being a slut is a choice, and then feigns concern for women’s “slutty choices” but “still loves you” because she totally didn’t just insult women everywhere, particularly those who believe that having casual sex shouldn’t be excusable for males and condemnable for women. Oh, and she has “many friends who are actual sluts” (is that like saying you have black friends in order to act racist?). JUST SO YOU KNOW.

Marbles then says she doesn’t understand why women have one night stands because “girls, in particular” have body issues, so having sex with a stranger — or as she aptly calls it, “doing sex things to him” — is totally ridiculous. You know, because every single woman has body image problems and all men do not, therefore making consensual sex in a casual environment mentally dangerous to a woman’s psyche while every man’s just pumping away, feeling great about himself. (Wut.)

Pictured: Every woman post-one night stand.

Pictured: Every man.

It’s also dangerous to our health! Because that man might have plans to “chop you up” and put you in his freezer, which is obviously your fault for going home with him and not his fault for being a fucking murderer. Or, she cautions, he might have several friends “closing in, ready to gang bang you.” Now, I’m pretty sure she’s referring to “gang rape,” so victim-blaming a woman for not expecting a bunch of men to rape her as a result of going home is absurd. Nobody expects to get gang raped and it’s not up to her to prevent it (pro tip: who’s making the choice to rape somebody?). Yes, there are dangerous situations that one must consider when going home with a stranger, but women can take bath salts too, so I’m pretty sure nobody’s necessarily safe with an unfamiliar acquaintance simply because of his or her gender.

Oh, and it’s “risky on more than one level!” Why? “Pregnancy, disease, and fuckin’ homicide.” After all, nobody has ever gotten pregnant by their partner unexpectedly, gotten an STD from somebody they knew or been murdered by their significant other (except every fucking day). At this point, I took a break, because things were starting to get audibly sassy IRL at my computer and I just wanted her to leave my sense of calm alone.

But we trek forth: next, Jenna Marbles insults your asshole friends because they clearly don’t care about you if they allow you to live your own sex life the way you see fit. Now, I’m obviously not saying that if a friend of yours is wasted and wants to go home with a stranger, you shouldn’t just put her in a cab or take her home; that’s common sense, because your friend can’t legally consent to sex in that state of mind. But does that mean that you should prohibit your friends from boning acquaintances? No. No, it does not, because that is not your business. She then slut shames women who, as pointed out by Tumblr lexcanroar, are likely being sexually assaulted by saying that if you help your blacked-out friend get home, you’re helping “the sluts of the world make less bad, slutty decisions.” What the fuck, indeed, that she’s all but condoning the actions of anybody who would have sex with a person who’s entirely unable to consent while insisting that an incoherent female is deserving of stigmatization, slutsplaining and judgment.

Oh, and by the way, college isn’t the educational institute you so naively believe! Guys apparently go to school to “look for sluts,” by the way, which is insulting to men on several levels. First of all, it implies all men have the same mindset (then again, generalizations seem to be Marbles’ thing). Second, since when did men not go to college to, y’know, learn? Oh, since all men obviously became mindless sexual beings who can’t control themselves. Since that time! Okay.

Fortunately, not all YouTube personalities are assholes promoting outdated, sexist rhetoric. In fact, user Laci Green posted a wonderful response to the video, asking her viewers to consider what slut shaming is and why it’s exactly what Marbles is doing. She quotes a friend by saying, “If we don’t respect sluts, we don’t respect women,” and calls the attitude of holding disdain for anybody who doesn’t have sex the way you think they should “some arrogent bullshit.”

In all seriousness, I am so deeply disappointed and saddened by Marbles’ grossly sexist rant. It’s these types of attitudes that harm women just as much as the misogynistic ones resounding from men, and there’s simply no place for them anymore in a society that desires to hold men and women as equals. But some people still scream them through their e-megaphones; even sadder, many people continue to give them the means to do so.

In conclusion, everyone, if you’d like for the brilliant Jenna Marbles and other such slut shamers to approve of decisions regarding your sex life, health and well-being, you should totally listen to her. After all…

The End.

Photos: Jenna Marbles’ Facebook, Tumblr