J.J. Redick #5 of Milwaukee Bucks celebrates after hitting a three pointer against the Miami Heat during Game Three of the Western Conference Quarterfinals of the 2013 NBA Playoffs at Bradley Center on APRIL 25, 2013 in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

We have no idea how to write an irreverent lede for a story like this, so let’s just get down to brass tacks: back in 2007, Milwaukee Bucks player JJ Redick reportedly entered into what media outlets are calling an “abortion contract” with onetime girlfriend Vanessa Lopez, model and former mistress to Shaquille O’Neal. Lopez, we deduce from the documents, had gotten pregnant and the newly-surfaced paperwork represents an agreement between she and Redick that she’d receive an abortion. And prizes!

The documents show that Redick (Jonathan C. Redick) demanded proof that Lopez had terminated her pregnancy. He’d then agreed to “attempt a relationship” with Lopez for one year, so long as she showed said proof–per the unsettling legal language, they’d “attempt to establish and maintain a social and/or romantic relationship between themselves for a period of one year from the date of this Agreement (hereinafter “The Relationship”).”

If the relationship didn’t work out after that one year, Redick agreed to pay Lopez $25,000 (!). More unsettling still, any contact after the dissolution of the relationship would be considered “stalking.”

Redick, for what it’s worth, denied the whole thing in a series of Tweets last night:

“I’d like to respond to the outrageous, false and malicious media reports regarding a prior relationship between myself and V Lopez in 2007. […] Ms Lopez was not and has never been pregnant with a child fathered by me. […] And Ms. Lopez did not and has never terminated a pregnancy of a child fathered by me. […] Continued attention to these lies is severely damaging to myself and my family. Thank you.”

(via Media Takeout)