boyfriend kisser

In case you’re still a member of the quickly-dwindling Justin Bieber fan club, head on over to the App Store for a kind-of-hilarious, mostly-just-disturbing surprise! As of yesterday, you can download a free game to your iPad… that lets you make out with a cartoon version of Bieber’s head. The future is now! And it’s pretty gross.

Boyfriend Kisser, whose product page features terrifyingly accurate drawings of Biebs covered with lipstick marks and winking, asks the important questions: Are you the best kisser in the world? Will he fall in love with you and make it EXCLUSIVE? Is there anything about this game that isn’t really, really creepy?

Anyone with access to a smart phone or tablet can do some lip-smacking target practice on a picture of JB. Just kiss your screen repeatedly until you rack up enough points to feel proud of kissing your screen repeatedly! For real. Some programmer has finally found a way to computerize that awkward, hyper sexual phase that kids go through that leads them to lick pictures of pop stars in magazines, and they’ve managed to turn it into a game that you can win. I’m kind of fascinated and mostly scared.

The always hilarious Anna Breslaw pretty much hits the nail on the head over at Cosmopolitan:

While it boggles the mind to consider how many girls may actually be kissing Justin Bieber in order to get their relationship status upgraded, this new iPad app is definitely a step sideways into technosexual bizzao-land.

Technosexual bizzaro-land. I can’t imagine a more appropriate way to describe this.

I mean, the idea that preteens want to kiss an inanimate object isn’t that weird– I probably got all kinds of stray hair, dead skin, and bleach in my mouth, but I’m not embarrassed to admit that I spent most of fifth grade practicing kissing on the wall of my shower. (I had to be prepared in case I ever encountered Ewan McGregor in suburban Ohio and he realized he was madly in love with my eleven-year-old self, uneven bangs and all.) It’s just freaky that modern kids are kissing iPads. It’s too close to sex robots. Sex robots are scary.

Basically, make out with all the animated Justin Biebers you want– just don’t tell me about it. Deal?

Via Cosmopolitan / Photo: iTunes